"Oh, hallelujah, our problems are solved. We have banana bread."
-- Apu, "Eight Misbehavin," The Simpsons
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| Ripe banana 8-22-14 |
"What is happening to me happens to all fruits that grow ripe."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
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| Banana bread 8-22-14 |
"When life gives you bananas you can't make juice."
-- Yahg Mushu, aka Isabel Truax
There's a drug store in my town that sometimes sets a basket of over ripe bananas near the checkout register with a little handwritten sign that says "Baking Bananas, 25 cents each."
It's their not-so-clever attempt at the reverse psychology of marketing rotting produce.
Nice try, guys.
First of all: Who goes to the goddamn fucking drug store to buy bananas?
And secondly: Who stands the fuck there paying for their Tylenol, shoe laces and Winston Lights thinking, "Gee, you know, perfectly fresh yellow bananas are only 25 cents a pound today over by the cough drops, but I think I'll pass on those and go ahead and pay 25 cents apiece for these special baking bananas right here at the register -- these ones with all the black shit on the skin and the squishy spots and the swarm of fruit flies. It sure is a good thing I came here to this drug store, because otherwise, I'd have missed out on this really awesome banana baking opportunity."
In my opinion, they should pay me the 25 cents to take their rotting fucking fruit off their hands.
I've never had to buy rotten bananas, and I don't plan to start now because in my house, the fresh ones get overripe about four seconds after I bring them home from the grocery store anyway.
It's a good thing I make really, really good banana bread.
Poor banana bread.
Banana bread gets a bad rap as the thing you bring when you don't know what else to bring -- when someone dies, or moves in next door, or loses their job, or at the last possible minute says "Mom, I have to bring something to the (fill in school/sports/church/scout function that you knew nothing about here).
Showing up at work with a loaf of banana bread doesn't communicate "Hey, guys, you are all so very special to me that I baked you something great!"
No.
Banana bread communicates "Hey, guys, these moldy bananas were liquefying on my kitchen counter and I was going to throw them in the garbage, but instead I scraped them off the Formica and made them into bread. Enjoy!"
Banana bread doesn't feel special, or intentional.
It feels like a consolation prize.
Well, all banana breads are not created equal, and I happen to make kick-ass banana bread that tastes like I meant it to -- like something special.
I put tiny chocolate chips in it.
I don't unload it on unsuspecting neighbors or co-workers or strangers.
It's too good for that.
I make it on purpose.
For people I love.
