"But the places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I've learned."
-- Sara Groves, "Painting Pictures of Egypt"
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| Sam's Radio Flyer 8-18-14 |
"Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths,
but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands."
-- Anne Frank
Saturday -- after spending the summer at home -- my oldest child moved his belongings into his very first, very own, apartment.
He'll have the whole place to himself.
No roommates.
No rules.
He'll call his own shots.
He'll buy his own groceries.
He'll cook his own meals.
He'll make his own mistakes.
He'll be his own man.
He's so damn ready to fly this fucking coop -- this place that surrounds him with reminders of his childhood.
I'm not one of those "while you're living in my house you'll follow my rules" kind of parents. I only put the hammer down when one of my kids, or someone else, might get hurt.
Otherwise, I'm about the most permissive parent on the planet.
Still, after his freshman year taste of freedom and independence, this place, this house, this environment, is no longer "home" for him.
And it's not because he doesn't like it here. It's not because he doesn't like us. We get along swimmingly and have had a great, fun summer together.
He's simply outgrown this place -- like a bloom that has unfurled and can no longer reconfigure its petals back into the tight wrappings of the bud it once was.
What's that quote from Anais Nin? "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
And that's perfectly alright.
It's exactly as it should be.
It's good and right and the whole point of raising a child in the first place.
It's the natural progression of the growth of a young man who is ready to leave the mainland and set sail into the choppy expanse of his own adventure, his own story, his own life.
I'll stay behind and be a white flag on the shore so he can find his way back if and when he needs to.
I'll be a lantern in the lighthouse to illuminate the coastline.
I'll be ballast in his hull to help steady his ship in stormy seas.
I'll be a gentle breeze to fill his sails.
I just hope I'll never, ever be an anchor.
