Rita:
"I'd like to make her look a little more attractive.
How far can you pull back?"
Cameraman:
"How do you feel about Cleveland?"
-- Dorothy Michaels' screen test, Tootsie
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| Self portrait 4-16-14 |
I bought my new camera in part because of rave reviews about its crystal clear, laser sharp, high-resolution image quality.
Crystal clear, laser sharp image quality is a beautiful thing in a camera, especially when you're shooting, say, the stamens and pistils of flowers, or a bird on a faraway branch, or the delicate, flaky texture of a pastry. So far I've been very satisfied.
And then yesterday I turned New Camera's lens on myself to shoot my first self portraits with it. It had to happen sooner or later. Self portraits are my bread and butter. They're what I do most. I am my most often photographed subject by far -- and not in a duck-lipped, outstretched arm, "selfie"-crazed way -- but in a genuine, self-portraiture-as-genre way.
So I took a deep breath, set up the tripod, found New Camera's 10-second shutter delay, and went for it.
Yep. As advertised, the images were crystal clear.
Yep. As advertised, the details were laser sharp.
Yep. I was horrified.
I could see every pore. Every whisker. Every bump, lump, acne scar, flake of dry skin, errant eyelash, eyebrow, nose hair, sun spot, red patch, broken blood vessel, eye goober ... as advertised, in every brilliantly focused, crystal clear, laser sharp, pixel-packed, high resolution shot.
Holy fuckballs, Batman.
Situationally speaking, stellar image quality isn't always a desirable thing. Not when you're 46 and wearing no makeup and haven't exfoliated in, well ... ever, and wear all the sun damage from every long, un-sunscreened childhood summer at the lake and the accumulation of the ravages of life -- every hard blow, every sleepless night -- right there front and center.
Thankfully, New Camera understands. And tucked away in New Camera's "creative filters" features is a sweet little blessing called "soft focus." With the touch of a button, New Camera took the harsh edges off the images, gentling them ever so kindly, making them just a little easier to take.
Which led me to ask the question, is soft focus dishonest? Is soft focus cheating? Is soft focus a lie?
I've thought about it a lot and have decided that it isn't. I've decided that soft focus is simply a creative choice sitting there alongside the other creative choices like fish eye, and grainy black and white, and watercolor effect, and vivid color.
I won't always shoot my self portraits in soft focus. There'll be times when I want to show all the sharp, horrifying details. That's also a creative choice. But for the first time out, New Camera was kind enough to handle me gently. To ease me in.
So for today, soft focus isn't cheating. Soft focus is a good and useful thing.
I'm OK with my age, mostly. Sometimes I hate it. Just like I'm OK with/hate lots of other things about myself -- my hair, my boobs, my habits, my behaviors, my compulsions, my mistakes, the weird little bump on my chin that I'm pretty sure contains the teeth and spine of my unborn twin.
But love 'em or hate 'em, all added up they're what makes me me.
Each of them is part of who I am, but, thankfully, none of them is all of who I am.
