"The heart which has no agenda but God's
is the heart at leisure from itself."
-- Elisabeth Elliot,
The Path of Loneliness:
Finding Your Way through the Wilderness to God
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| Cosmos (cosmos bipinnatus) bud 11-10-14 |
"Consider how the wild flowers grow.
They do not labor or spin."
-- Luke 12:27 (NIV)
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| Cosmos (cosmos bipinnatus) buds and flower 11-10-14 |
I'm grounded. And I like it.
Because of my eyelid surgery, for the next couple of weeks my schedule is pretty much dictated by doctor's orders to stay on the couch with ice packs over my eyes and do as little else as possible.
To minimize facial swelling and bruising, to protect the fragile incisions and stitches, and otherwise allow the slow healing process to happen, I'm not supposed to do anything even mildly strenuous for a while.
That's OK. I don't feel like it anyway.
For me, downtime is usually difficult. Especially when I'm not able to exercise.
But so far, at about five days post-op, I'm not yet chafing at my limitations. Mostly it's because I get really uncomfortable if the ice is off for even a little while. But more than that, I think it's because I don't have a choice in the matter.
Someone else, i.e. my surgeon, is dictating the parameters and the agenda. Therefore, I can't make myself feel guilty or bad about not doing stuff that I tell myself I should be doing.
And frankly, it's kind of a huge relief to not be burdened by my hard-driving, often punitive, self-destructive tendencies.
Also, if I don't follow the rules, I could seriously fuck up my face. It'd be like forcing open a flower bud with my fingers rather than letting it unfurl gradually on nature's timetable. It would never look right.
So for now, my one-item agenda is to not have an agenda -- to just lay low and let the healing happen.
I got this.
