No Agenda

"The heart which has no agenda but God's 

is the heart at leisure from itself."

-- Elisabeth Elliot, 

The Path of Loneliness: 

Finding Your Way through the Wilderness to God

Cosmos (cosmos bipinnatus) bud 11-10-14

"Consider how the wild flowers grow.

They do not labor or spin."

-- Luke 12:27 (NIV)

Cosmos (cosmos bipinnatus) buds and flower 11-10-14

I'm grounded. And I like it.

Because of my eyelid surgery, for the next couple of weeks my schedule is pretty much dictated by doctor's orders to stay on the couch with ice packs over my eyes and do as little else as possible.

To minimize facial swelling and bruising, to protect the fragile incisions and stitches, and otherwise allow the slow healing process to happen, I'm not supposed to do anything even mildly strenuous for a while.

That's OK. I don't feel like it anyway.

For me, downtime is usually difficult. Especially when I'm not able to exercise.

But so far, at about five days post-op, I'm not yet chafing at my limitations. Mostly it's because I get really uncomfortable if the ice is off for even a little while. But more than that, I think it's because I don't have a choice in the matter. 

Someone else, i.e. my surgeon, is dictating the parameters and the agenda. Therefore, I can't make myself feel guilty or bad about not doing stuff that I tell myself I should be doing. 

And frankly, it's kind of a huge relief to not be burdened by my hard-driving, often punitive, self-destructive tendencies. 

Also, if I don't follow the rules, I could seriously fuck up my face. It'd be like forcing open a flower bud with my fingers rather than letting it unfurl gradually on nature's timetable. It would never look right. 

So for now, my one-item agenda is to not have an agenda -- to just lay low and let the healing happen.

I got this.

Fresh Legs

"We had 18 hours to pump life 

back into those tired legs ..."

-- Chris Carmichael, 

"Make Tomorrow a Better Day," Bicycling.com

Drumsticks 10-8-14

"Overall, Lance's response was good:

his legs felt fresher and less sore the following day."

-- Chris Carmichael, 

"Hey Lance! Nice Socks." Bicycling.com

"And by saying good legs I mean untouchable, inexhaustible ...

It must be every cyclist's dream to have those magical good legs on such a day."

-- Gianni, "Having Good Legs," Velominati.com

I've been riding my bike a lot lately, and my legs are feeling tired and sore. 

So yesterday I did my legs a favor and treated them to a rest day.

I had a massage.

I took it easy.

I stayed off my bike.

I ate right.

For supper I cooked up some tasty drumsticks.

If it's really true that you are what you eat, then today my chicken legs should feel pretty damn fresh and delicious.

Good Sleep Hygiene

"I cannot alter the past, but the future is very much in my hands."

-- Mary Lydon Simonsen, 

The Perfect Bride For Mr. Darcy

Self portrait 7-17-14

"Good 'hygiene' is anything that helps you to have a healthy life."

-- The American Academy of Sleep Medicine

Sleep hygiene isn't a very sexy topic.

It's about as sexy as oral hygiene -- stuff like brushing and flossing my teeth and scraping the gunk off my tongue.

As un-sexy as it is, though, I know good and well that if I neglect good oral hygiene, my teeth will rot and my breath will stink and I'll pay the price (and it ain't cheap) at the dentist. And that's super, duper un-sexy. So I do all the stuff. I follow the protocol and maintain a very clean, healthy mouth.

I also know that if I neglect good sleep hygiene, my sleep will decay. Still, I fall into patches where I don't do the stuff. I neglect the protocol. I do things I know I shouldn't, and don't do things I know I should, and little by little I settle for rottener and rottener sleep. And I pay the price. My sleep stinks, and I not only feel rotten, I feel rotten about it because I could have easily avoided the problem.

I've been playing fast and loose with the sleep hygiene rules lately. God knows I know them well enough by now -- inside outside upside down. I could recite them in my sleep, if I was sleeping. I know these guidelines are good for me. I know I'll be happier and healthier if I obey them.

And yet.

Long story short, things have gotten a little out of hand and it's time to clean up my sleep routine.

Again.

It's time to snuggle back up to the rules of good sleep hygiene so that tonight, and tomorrow night, and the nights after that, I can enjoy good, healthy sleep.

It's all in my hands.

A Day Of Rest

"Rest and be thankful."

-- William Wordsworth

Self portrait 5-24-14

"Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day,

listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky,

is by no means a waste of time."

-- John Lubbock, The Use of Life

I took a day off yesterday, which almost never happens.

If it's good enough for God, I guess it's good enough for me.

By a "day off," I mean I didn't exercise/work out, which is a pretty big deal seeing as I get all twitchy and anxious at the merest mention of being grounded. But with my tendency to overdo it, my body's been paying the price.

When my first thought in the morning changes from "Yay! I get to take a bike ride!" to "Fuck, I have to take a bike ride," red flags go up. When I don't have enough energy to even walk up the stairs without my stiff and swollen legs burning with oxygen debt -- yep, more red flags.

Usually I have to force myself to take a day off, especially when it's a perfectly gorgeous day like it was yesterday. But gorgeous day or not, I simply didn't have the energy to do anything about it.

So I gave myself a -- gasp! -- recovery day.

Instead of hammering 3 hours into the wind, I hung upside down on my inversion machine to get the lactic acid moving out of my legs. I did some mild stretching. I sat in an ice bath, which felt blissfully refreshing. I wore compression tights under my jeans all day, and then even slept in them.

This morning my legs feel much better, but I'm still really wiped out.

So I think I'll do something really wackadoodle and take two days off. I know, it sounds crazy, but maybe I'm getting a little wiser in my old age.

Intellectually, conceptually, I know how important rest and recovery are. But in reality, I've always had a hard time doing it. I've always been a "bigger, better, faster, more" kind of athlete. Sometimes to my own detriment.

But maybe I'm turning a corner, or making a realization, or simply learning a little tiny bit about how to take better care of myself.

Better late than never, right?

Who knows? This could be the start of something good.

A Nap

"Let's begin by taking a smallish nap or two."

-- Winnie the Pooh

Polymer clay sleepy head 5-14-15

"I usually take a two-hour nap from one to four."

-- Yogi Berra

"There's a nap for that."

Sleep school rule number one is "Don't nap." 

Ever.

So I don't.

I can't even remember the last time I fell asleep during the daytime. 

Well, actually, I can. It was yesterday.

A nap ambushed me. It sneaked up one me from the tall grass and pounced. Hard.

I was taking a little post-bike ride, post-lunch break with my feet up in Big Daddy's recliner, about a half hour before I had to get Leo from school. I wasn't planning on falling asleep simply because I just don't do that anymore.

Nearly two hours later, Leo was home and I was just barely waking up. He had to walk home because I never showed up. I'd slept through his multiple texts and calls, as well as "where are you?" messages from my husband. 

That never happens anymore. 

It felt so damn good, though. 

I didn't beat myself up about it, because it was a sabotage nap. I never saw it coming, and there was nothing I could do about it anyway.

I was afraid it would fuck with my sleep last night, but it didn't. Not even a little bit. I slept like a very sleepy drugged baby. I even slept through my alarm this morning and got up an hour and a half late, in blatant violation of sleep school rule number two, which is "Always get up at the prescribed time."

Whatever.

A Good Night's Rest

"Rest and be thankful."

-- William Wordsworth

Self portrait 1-20-14

"Everything needs a break."

-- Toby Beta, Master of Stupidity