No Agenda

"The heart which has no agenda but God's 

is the heart at leisure from itself."

-- Elisabeth Elliot, 

The Path of Loneliness: 

Finding Your Way through the Wilderness to God

Cosmos (cosmos bipinnatus) bud 11-10-14

"Consider how the wild flowers grow.

They do not labor or spin."

-- Luke 12:27 (NIV)

Cosmos (cosmos bipinnatus) buds and flower 11-10-14

I'm grounded. And I like it.

Because of my eyelid surgery, for the next couple of weeks my schedule is pretty much dictated by doctor's orders to stay on the couch with ice packs over my eyes and do as little else as possible.

To minimize facial swelling and bruising, to protect the fragile incisions and stitches, and otherwise allow the slow healing process to happen, I'm not supposed to do anything even mildly strenuous for a while.

That's OK. I don't feel like it anyway.

For me, downtime is usually difficult. Especially when I'm not able to exercise.

But so far, at about five days post-op, I'm not yet chafing at my limitations. Mostly it's because I get really uncomfortable if the ice is off for even a little while. But more than that, I think it's because I don't have a choice in the matter. 

Someone else, i.e. my surgeon, is dictating the parameters and the agenda. Therefore, I can't make myself feel guilty or bad about not doing stuff that I tell myself I should be doing. 

And frankly, it's kind of a huge relief to not be burdened by my hard-driving, often punitive, self-destructive tendencies. 

Also, if I don't follow the rules, I could seriously fuck up my face. It'd be like forcing open a flower bud with my fingers rather than letting it unfurl gradually on nature's timetable. It would never look right. 

So for now, my one-item agenda is to not have an agenda -- to just lay low and let the healing happen.

I got this.

Frozen Peas

"Pretty little lady with the swollen eyes

Would you show them to me?"

-- "When You Can't Sleep At Night," Of Mice and Men

Peas frozen into ice cubes 11-7-14

Frozen peas 11-7-14

"Let's at least put something cold around it.
Frozen peas work pretty well."

"Do I have to eat them?"

"No, you just have to inject them into a vein."

-- Antonia Michaelis, The Storyteller

So yesterday I had a "procedure" on my eyelids to circumcise a whole bunch of baggy extra skin.

Yep. I had an eye job. A li'l nip/tuck.

My surgeon promised me that after the healing process my lids will look fabulous. But right now I look a whole lot like Rocky after the Apollo Creed fight.

Rocky

Except for the bloody lip, this is pretty accurate, actually. If it was still Halloween, I'd totally go as the Italian Stallion. Except instead of saying "trick or treat," I'd go around yelling "Cut me, Mick!"

Anyway, I'm supposed to be icing my eyes constantly to help the swelling and bruising subside. And that's where the frozen peas come in.

Frozen peas are the best for icing weirdly shaped, un-flat areas, like eyes. They snuggle beautifully down into the curves and contours of my face and kind of mold precisely into the problem area.

It looks weird, but it feels good.

I picked up three bags  of peas at the store before my surgery to get me through these first several days. Plus I have a backup bag of corn niblets if things get really dire. When one bag gets mushy, I just switch it out for a fresh one. It's my system.

What's really weird though, is that when they start getting melty, I can smell them.

So my face smells like pea.