A Common Interest

"Peace is a never ending process ...

It cannot ignore our differences or 

overlook our common interests.

It requires us to work and live together."

-- Oscar Arias Sanchez

Finger puppets and a pop up toy 12-29-14

"So, let us not be blind to our differences --

but let us also direct attention to our common interests

and to the means by which those differences can be resolved."

-- John F. Kennedy, 

Commencement Address at American University, 1963

"The secret of happiness is this:

let your interests be as wide as possible

and let your reactions to the things and persons

that interest you be as far as possible

friendly rather than hostile."

-- Bertrand Russell

It is indeed a rare and precious occurrence around here to find something -- be it an activity, an idea, a philosophy, a movie, or simply what to have for supper -- on which we can all agree. 

We are a household of strong-willed, opinionated individuals who each tend to take a firm stance when it comes to what we like, believe, think, pursue, and choose to do with our time.

I'm pretty sure that just makes us a typical family.

But lately, we have all tripped upon a hallowed space of common ground.

In front of the television.

Don't judge. Hear me out.

I am familiar with and have personally decried the evils of too much television and the havoc it wreaks on family unity and communication.

Fuck that noise.

When a TV show causes all of us -- Dad, Mom, both sons and the girlfriend -- to lay aside our disagreements and come together with a common excitement and anticipation and interest and joy -- I'll take it.

It doesn't really matter what show it is. (Well, to us it totally matters. But to make my point, it doesn't.)

What matters is that we have found a small, kindred place where harmony reigns, where we can come together and share a little bit of time all enjoying the same thing, breathing the same air, reacting to the same turns of event, wondering at the same wicked plot twists, digging into the same bowl of popcorn. 

We're usually pulling in a million different directions, which makes our brief little sojourns to the Island of Common Interests a welcome and peaceful change of scenery.

It's one good thing. And one good show!

Differences

"We were very different, 

and we disagreed about a lot of things,

but he was always so interesting, you know?"

-- John Green, The Fault In Our Stars

Donkey teeth and Werewolf teeth 11-3-14

"At the end of the day, that's what a family is --

a group of different people who accept each other."

-- Sara Sheridan

"You're some freaky shit, my brother.

You really are."

-- J.R. Ward, Lover Eternal

Yesterday was one of those days where it was really hard coming up for a "good thing." Not because there weren't any, but because there were so many that it was truly difficult to choose.

We drove down to Sam's college for a visit and to take him out to lunch. It was our first trip of the semester, and we still hadn't seen his new college apartment.

The drive down was good. It was a gilded, brilliant, sun-kissed autumn day. Absolutely gorgeous.

Seeing Sam was good. I miss that boy, and I needed to see him with my actual eyes and hug him with my actual arms.

Seeing Sam's apartment was good. We'd seen pictures, of course, but it was so nice to see him in the actual environment where he lives. It was reassuring and comforting to see him in his tidy, efficient little place. 

Lunch was good. We went to Sam's favorite Middle Eastern restaurant and had hummus and pita and kafta and falafel and dawali.

But I think the goodest good thing of the day was watching my two sons together. They are as different as can be, and if you didn't know they were brothers, you would never guess they were brothers.

Of course they've been through their moments and years of disagreement and bickering. But not anymore.

They've each grown into delightful, fine young men who clearly love and respect and -- gasp -- like one another. 

It did my soul a great good to see my sons enjoying one other's conversation and company and jokes -- each genuinely interested in what the other was up to. 

Stretched out on Sam's little couch, Leo was clearly proud of his brother's independent college life and impressed by how well he's navigating rigorous academic challenges.

Asking all the right questions and listening patiently to Leo's answers, Sam was clearly proud of his brother's athletic and academic achievements as well.

They compared notes about the physics courses they're both taking. 

They laughed a lot.

Leo took pictures of Sam's apartment and tackled him on his little studio bed.

They hugged goodbye for a really long time.

Riding in the back seat on the drive home, I let all the goodness of the day tumble around in my heart like Bingo balls in a cage. And the strong feeling that kept rising to the top was one of gratitude that, despite their vast differences, my sons have one another to lean on, to believe in, to hold onto and to love.

And if that ain't good, then I don't know what is.