Jesus Mary & Joseph ... And Homer

"I do like Christmas on the whole ...

In its clumsy way, it does approach Peace and Goodwill.

But it is clumsier every year."

-- E.M. Forster

"A Christmas Story" leg lamp in a window 12-10-14

"The place changes: 

it's not the same as it is in daytime."

-- Haruki Murakami, After Dark

Inflatable Homer Simpson 12-10-14

"Christmas waves a magic wand
 over this world and behold,
everything is softer
and more beautiful."

-- Norman Vincent Peale

Christmas lights 12-10-14

I've been taking walks after dark in the evenings, checking out the neighborhood Christmas decorations.

Oy, veh.

The local Clark Griswolds are out in full force.

There are homages to movies, to television shows, to Disney, to Mr. Potato Head.

One house has an inflatable Noah's Ark with the two-by-two animals in matching Santa hats. Clearly they have their Bible stories a little criss-crossed. Or they're on an acid trip.

But hey. Whatever sells, right?

Light up Magi 12-10-14

Some displays are nice and tasteful, perfectly fine and understated.

There are a lot of light-up nativity scenes and plastic Jesuses.

There are lots of demonic Santa faces.

There's "the glow of electric sex gleaming in the window."

Others?

Well.

Light up snowman 12-10-14

Although I do think I like the super tacky stuff the best.

I mean, nothing quite says "Welcome Baby Jesus" like a light up snowman with a digital "O O HO HO" flashing across his groin.

Anyway, since you can't literally go on a walk with me, I thought I'd give you a virtual tour and share a little bit of what I've been seeing.

So last night, just for you, I took my camera on my walk and creeped around on people's lawns in the dark.

Hey, I'm a giver.

What would Jesus do?

Enjoy!

Nativity figurines 12-10-14

Christmas lights 12-10-14

A Good Day For Hanging Christmas Lights

"In the right light, at the right time,

everything is extraordinary."

-- Aaron Rose

Bird nest with Christmas lights 11-24-14

"When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things -- 

not the great occasions -- give off the greatest glow of happiness."

-- Bob Hope

We had a little warm-up over the weekend, so we grabbed the opportunity to get some stuff done, including hanging the outside Christmas lights.

I'd like to say that we had an unusually early burst of Christmas spirit and goodwill, but truthfully, our motivation was more self-preservation than anything.

Hanging Christmas lights in the freezing cold is a bitch.

You can't hang those pesky little fuckers with gloves or mittens on. You have to go at it bare-handed. So if you get a warm enough day close-ish enough to Christmas, do it then and save your fingers from frostbite.

Quite honestly, it was a good day to do it. So we did it.

I must admit, though, our little house looks pretty fucking adorable. And it felt good to feel good about decorating a little bit. For the past couple of years I haven't given a rat's ass about Christmas, period. As for Christmas decorations -- Fuggedaboutit. 

Of course, our strands of lights were all tangled and not lighting up right. So we decided to start fresh. We even strayed away from the typical tiny white twinkle lights and went retro.

I rode my bike over to our local ACE Hardware and bought two strings of lights that remind me of the big old glass-bulb kind from my childhood.

Except, unlike the flesh-blistering glass bulbs of yore, these lights are plastic and cool to the touch and won't burn anyone's fingers. They also won't burn down the house.

They look pretty cool too. Looking at them outside makes me feel happy inside.